Dec
13
Written by:
Tallkat
12/13/2011 6:37 PM
UNPLUGGING THE HOLIDAY STEAMROLLER
“Oh, Christmas isn’t just a day. It’s a frame of mind. And that’s been changing. That’s why I’m here. .Maybe I can do something about it.”
-Kris Kringle, Miracle on 34th Street
The holiday season is one of the most beautiful times of the year yet it is filled with paradoxes and mixed feelings for most of us.
My childhood memories of Christmas left a lot to be desired. My father was a violent alcoholic, left with a five year old daughter after the death of my mother.
We transitioned into a new home with a stepmother who had little interest in a child that was not ‘hers’. One of our crazy holiday dysfunctional ‘rituals’ was my father coming home after the bars closed and knocking over the Christmas tree on his way to bed.
We had little money most of the year but at Christmas an Uncle mysteriously lavished us with a new dress and loads of presents. It didn’t make sense to me since we rarely saw him and our lives were unextraordinary at best.
A few times we attended the local Lutheran candle light service.
That event in my child mind was the ultimate in celebration done right! I loved the quiet peace of the setting and the presence of something invisible but very loving.
It balanced out the imbalances of our patched up, rough edged family with a softness and spiritual quality far beyond the home life I was living.
That Lutheran minister did not know it, but that simple community service gave me hope there was something MORE to look forward to beyond the present situation of my young life.
Since then I’ve had bountiful Christmases as well as barren, skimpy ones.
I find the most creative ideas for gift giving require little in money and are incredibly satisfying to the giver and receiver- IF the intention is true and authentic.
Going against the grain of the Christmas Steamroller takes more effort, energy and creativity yet the results are really worth it.
But know this. These suggestions only work if you feel the vibe of it. Just going through the motions won’t work. It is best if you and your family or partner are in agreement about changing the holiday setting. Better to wait until you "feel it," or at least, can open up to the idea of giving this a try. To unplug cannot be forced and you cannot fake it.
Here are some ideas to get you started if you decide to unplug.
1. KEEP IT SIMPLE. Consumption does not equal love. It does create stress. How do we get past the ‘perfect’ holiday spin? Create and design a unique beautiful day that is balanced; not too much or too little. This is a lesson in knowing what ‘enough’ is. The reward is you enjoy a relaxed and harmonious flow that is peaceful and more satisfying for everyone.
2. KEEP IT REAL. If you are not a Martha Stewart domestic goddess, why pretend to be one when guests come over? Do we really need another stupid impossible standard to uphold? Why not add a few candles to the mantle and some fresh greenery, hang a wreath on the door and call it a holy-day? Christmas dinner could be potluck. It is possible to host a holiday dinner for 10 to 20 people with less stress than a regular work night dinner, and this way invites the important feeling of communal participation and contribution.
3. PUT THE EMPHASIS ON EASY RITUALS THROUGHOUT THE MONTH. This is a time for nurturing and looking inward while spending time with those you love, right? Celebrate the winter solstice by building a fire outside, or place votive candles around the house to symbolize the return of the sun. A family, a community or a couple might hold a candle and take turns saying what they are thankful for this year. Remember the love you have for each other. Just turning off the lights and setting a candle alight brings reverence, peace and focus no matter what the spiritual background is. Bring a few simple artifacts of nature into your home for the season. Turn your back on traditional tinsel and shiny gold ornaments for a change. If nature, for example, was a goal you could decorate with fruit, branches and greenery from the woods.
Consider allowing traditions to change from year to year, instead using the same foods and rituals every time.
Learn about traditions from other faiths, ethnicities and countries. Your children or grand children will love this.
(I remember being filled with wonder at the idea of children from Holland leaving wooden shoes for Santa to fill instead of stockings on the same night as me, not to mention the Hanukah colors of blue and silver instead of green and red when a schoolteacher explained this!)
Make a list of the things you dislike about Christmas (instead of a gift or wish list) and consider just getting rid of them! Poof! It’s magic.
Is this is the first holiday for you after a death or end of relationship? It’s really ok to just get out of town, removing yourself from reminders of the past.
In moving toward the simple approach to the holidays, remember to put something back. If you spend less on gifts, fill that in by spending more quality, fun, and meaningful time together. Giving to those with less is always uplifting.
Let go of expectations in family gatherings and give yourself a break, too.
You may still struggle with a father drinking too many holiday eggnogs, your sibling’s annual arguments, and in-laws disapproval - but it is possible to broaden your focus by deliberately incorporating a forgiving and loving attitude. Hold your fire if things get tense. Take a short walk outside and a few deep breaths.
When you come back in tell a joke. Laughter is a contagious, irresistible healing medicine.
Say you have no religious ties to the holidays, and it all seems way too out of hand to you- why not just forget the whole thing?
Just maybe you do not have to turn this time into deep meaning at all! Michael and I have sometimes chosen to take a vacation and checked into a hotel or a cabin with dinner reservations instead of gifts or parties.
One year we ordered a delicious room service traditional dinner and ate it in front of a roaring fire in our pajamas. We took naps, read books, walked in the woods and soaked in a hot tub. (Judging by the amount of time needed to get reservations, many others have made similar choices.)
The real hope of the holidays is actually what I discovered in that Lutheran church candlelight service many years ago as a young girl.
In spite of alcoholic fathers knocking over Christmas trees, and the imbalance between today’s 1% and the 99% - this is still the season that ties us to something greater than ourselves.
May we have the hope of the season always, and may all be well, in all ways.
May we live grace filled, richly meaningful lives that are simple, satisfying and…wonderful.
“See George, you really had a wonderful life.”
- Clarence Oddbody, Angel 2nd Class, It's a Wonderful Life
Copyright ©2011 Tallkat
2 comment(s) so far...
Re: UNPLUGGING THE HOLIDAY STEAMROLLER
Karen, Thank you for sharing. You are so right on about keeping it simple. Funny that it took me so many years to figure that one out! When I was growing up, I have to say that my Christmas experience was really good ones for the most part. My mom created wonderful family traditions that still warm my heart. We did not have a lot of $$ in our family but my mom made sure that we all (3 kids) felt special and worthy of having what we wanted of at all possible. I can remember as a child, sitting in front of the little manger scene that mom would always put under the front of the tree, singing my heart out, as I looked at the packages, anticipating what was in the boxes. We opened family presents on Christmas Eve (always included PJ's to wear for Christmas morning pictures). Christmas morning, Santa Claus had arrived. He was very busy so he did not wrap his gifts. After Santa left, (usually around 2-4am), mom and dad would get us up so we could see what we got, then we were allowed to take something back to bed with us. We woke up to the smells of mom's cooking. We would have a lite breakfast and have our Christmas dinner around 2pm. I still need to have a couple of dishes on the table that she would make, whether anyone eats it or not! :) My mom insisted that we have our Christmas at home. If we traveled, we would leave the following day. Or, if we were living around relatives, we could go and visit early Christmas evening. It was truely a family occasion that I still miss to this day and I am 57 years old...When I married and had kids, we did a lot of the same things plus additional things that I created, but Christmas gifts got way out of control. We had more $$ than my parents so our Christmas's were far to materialistic. For the past few years, (mostly due to cash flow) Christmas has become much more simple and more attention has been put on just being together. the time has become more precious andI am so grateful not to have as much pressure on my back for things to be more material. SImple is so much better; less is truely more. Joy can be found in the simple things. Thanks for reminding us!
By DLC on
12/14/2011 4:24 PM
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Re: UNPLUGGING THE HOLIDAY STEAMROLLER
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and beautiful personal memories of Christmas past -which I'm sure would make your Mom smile! How interesting that Christmas with more money (when you grew up) was less exciting than the ones with the more simple traditions.
When I met my husband Michael I was freshly divorced, flat broke and scared. When Christmas came I decided to use my creativity instead of money by designing 'for his eyes only' coupons to be redeemed throughout the coming year. Fifteen years later- that is the gift he remembers the most. He said it was the nicest gift he'd ever received.
It's about adding richness to the holidays, more depth and meaning isn't it? Thanks again for adding your voice to the conversation!
Blessings and happy Holidays
Tallkat
By Tallkat on
12/14/2011 5:34 PM
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